Growth, a personal journey


silhoette
Thanks to google pics for this image

Growing up is not only for the young. I am……. young, but not as young as I once was. I am closer to 50 than not, let’s just put it that way. Everyday I grow. Everyday I learn something new, whether it is taught, finally figured out, or inspired. The other day I learned that I can stand up to my sister, I didn’t used to be able to do that without some grief or worry. But the other day, I did, and guess what? I lived.

Today I am learning that parenthood includes letting go. Letting go of my “control” of my children’s lives, or at least two of them. Now I have to sit back and pray. Pray that they make the right choices. Pray that they remember all – or most – of what they were taught. Pray that they find Christ in their lives, because truly, that is the happiest and most fulfilled way to live. Pray that they are safe and happy. Pray that they will call me…. pray that they will remember me…. pray that they will think of me. I am crying while I write this. I know, I knew that one day this day would come. I was just hoping that they would wait to grow up. Wait to go away. Wait to move on. My heart breaks every time that I think of life without our two oldest girls in it. I will miss their daily whit, charm, charisma, crude jokes, debates, frustrations, my hair pulling, the arguments, the laughter, the tears.

We are going in different directions. My husband, myself and our three youngest are moving away to another state. The oldest is moving to a college town, and our second oldest is staying here. “At home”. She didn’t want to move again, which I totally get. She is in her element here, her safely zone, her groove. But momma isn’t ready to let go….but let go I must.

Heather, looking forward to the next step
Heather, looking forward to the next step

Heather has grown up and is searching for her identity and her place in this world. To do that she has to snip the cord and move on. I hate it, I want her to stay, she is one of my best friends and confidants. She is a strong, beautiful and capable young woman. She will succeed in anything that she sets her heart on doing. So therefore I feel confident that this is the right time and the right place for her. And I wish her the best of luck in all that she does. That she is able to see the path laid out in front of her to the rest of her life or the next part of her life. That is my prayer, that she is happy, healthy and finds her way.

 

 

Sarah. Sarah is trying really hard to grow up real fast. She is a conundrum that girl. She cries and wants here mama. She brushes me away. She breaks my heart. She makes me so very proud. She wants to stay here, she wants to go with us. She wants to be an adult. She wants to be a child. She is…. just like every other young adult. I cry buckets

the conundrum
the conundrum

thinking of her growing up so fast. And I pray that life will be kind to her. That she will find that it is pretty darn awesome when you stop and smell the roses. She will have work, school, bills, dogs and taking care her little house. It is a lot, but it is doable. She will be fine, I keep telling myself. She is overwhelmed, a little scared and worried. But I think that she’s got this….. she WILL be okay. She will have some rough patches, as we all will, but her dad and I will be there for her, thru the good and the bad.

 

Parenting is such an awesome responsibility. I feel so privileged and honored to have been chosen to care for all of my gifts. Stepping back and looking at my two adult children I can seriously and publicly state that I did a pretty darn good job. Now if they could find their way back to their faith, see the absolute importance of God in their lives, I will be more that privileged, what ever that is.

So to all parents out there, we can only do our best and then step back and offer advice. But we can always be an example. We can always lead the way, but eventually it is all their choice, all their doing. And we are left to pray.

Praying constantly,

Mom of 5 blessings

Mary Anne~

 

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